Yesterday I was just thinking
extremely randomly about how old I am, and decided to calculate it in
weeks. Yesterday was Sunday #1000 in my life, and today exactly I begin
week #1001 of life here on Earth. Honestly, the probability of thinking
of something so incredibly random exactly on the 1000th Sunday is
mind-bogglingly astronomical. But hey, happy 1000 to me! Well, to be
perfectly precise, I will come to the exact end of my thousandth week of
life at 4:04 this afternoon, Mendoza time (12:04, Phoenix time). Qué
tal.
This week was difficult, because we have
had no lessons with anybody at all except Lorena (la conversa reciente)
and a couple of menos-activos young men. And I also have been uselessly
angry with my compañero because he doesn't follow the rules and always
tries to prove that he knows more than I do (probably a result of the
fact that he can talk better than I can in Spanish). But one night I
talked with him about it, and he showed me his side, and my own wall of
pride (which had regrown rapidly to an enormous size - hence, my
needless anger) began to crumble. As he kept talking, I felt it continue
to leave, humbling me unto the dust bit by bit. It was a weird feeling,
knowing that my pride was leaving and being grateful for the relief of
its exit, but at the same time screaming in my head that I needed him to
stop humbling me - the result of the remaining pride. But when he came
to the end, I had a moment in which I felt my soul completely empty of
pride. That was true rest. It fascinates me how powerful pride is, and
it also scares me for the same reason. After that conversation, I went
to the other room to pray, and God finally was able to tell me, for my
momentary lack of pride, what my purpose is now. We are companions, He
says, not because he needs to learn from me, but because I need to learn
from him. That really hurts, but that's only because of my pride that
has already started to regrow, cauterizing and coating my spirit like
normal. After seeing how quickly it regrows, I have come to the
realization that my only hope in keeping it at bay is to accept the pain
of being an inferior, even while being the senior companion. Why do I
need to be put down like this? Because I represent the Savior, who
descended below all things, and I have not understood that, yet.
Another
thing I have come torealize is the relationship between the scriptures,
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher
than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9), and,
"And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant"
(Matthew 20:27). The Up of the heavens is down to us. The only up to us
is pride, exalting ourselves against God, which builds in the wrong
direction, which is why it is impossible to reach true exaltation in
pride. The heavens are higher than the earth, yes, but "higher" does not
use the definition from the world, it uses a definition from Heaven.
Because of that fact, I have come to a fuller realization that the
kingdom of the devil is built on the earth, upright, while the heavens
are built upside-down, under all things. On the spiritual plane, the
best place to be is the lowest place possible; the more the weight of
the "great and spacious building" crushing you in your continued
righteousness, the greater the reward. That is a mind-bending concept,
but I love it. It has expanded my understanding. Now I just have to
relearn how to take the high road by taking the low road.
On
Saturday night, we taught the only investigator lesson of the week,
with Pedro. It was wonderful, for the first time. He has an annoying
tendency to talk about five times more than we ever do in the lessons,
so it's difficult to teach him anything, but we tried to teach the Plan
of Salvation anyway. While we were teaching, we were about to open to a
scripture about the purpose of life (2 Nefi 2:22-25 - clásico), but then
he voiced his actual concern: "Who wrote this book?" We explained its
origins, that the people were of the house of Israel and were thus
included under the covenants of Jehovah (because he has good knowledge
of the Bible), but he didn't seem to grasp why it is that we added to
the words of God (wow, I definitely don't hear that every. single. day).
I explained the misunderstanding of those scriptures with a logical
argument, that the fact that that scripture is also found in Deuteronomy
means that if that were what it meant the entire remainder of the Bible
would be blasphemous addition to the words of God. Even with that, he
still didn't understand - I realize that it was because I was using
logic to teach a spiritual matter. That only works when we are already
in the Spirit, which we weren't in that moment, because I turned to
logic first. But then I finally turned to the Spirit, and I found the
answer: make him feel the Spirit from the Book of Mormon. I shared 3
Nefi 11:9-17, and as I read the verses myself I felt the Spirit
progressively grow. I came to the end, and read, "And when they had all
gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one
accord, saying: Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And
they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him." Then he
responded with one word. "Amén."
He continued
to explain that he has always been able to relate the scriptures in the
Bible to himself very well and personally, and that in that moment the
Spirit entered his heart and did the same thing with the Book of Mormon.
He told us that the Spirit directly told him that he needs to read it,
and at that point we barely even needed to invite him to read it because
he was chugging along on his own, according to his own will. That is
the first time I have seen such committment to the Book of Mormon in
anyone outside the Church; not even Lorena has that desire, and she's
already baptized. That was beautiful to see.
I'll
just end by saying that I know God lives and moves in this world. That
is not just a saying to me. I have come to know of God's existence with
surety in every fiber of my being, and I am so honored to be His
representative here. I have seen many marvellous things on my mission,
but my presence here in the capacity of a servant of the Most High is
the greatest miracle of all.
Con muchísimo amor,
Elder Hill
Fotos:
¡Todos mis compañeros en la misma pensión!
Mis homies de Zona Alvear
Otra homie de Zona Alvear
Elder Johnson en la Conferencia de la Misión
Mis homies del CCM
Elder Prosser; es su último traslado
Los circunvecinos
Elder Cardozo, el chabon
Elder Hill, el chabon (#albumcover)
Hoy en un tenedor libre
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