Family and friends,
This
week was eventful in the second half, and I was able to see the rebirth
of our teaching pool. We recently lost the very most promising person
we were teaching, who had a baptismal date set for November 28 - he
suddenly moved to Lincoln - and everyone else is also extremely busy
with the holiday season or has lost interest. But this week we started
teaching four new people (a VERY good number, considering many past
weeks of zeroes), and one woman from Guatemala that we began teaching
the previous week began showing immense interest! That's a grand story
in and of itself. Ask me about it, sometime!
Something
that is stunning to me is that I have still found that I am unable to
speak Spanish. Every time I have a day when my brain trips up and I
can't recall the vocabulary, I analyze what is different, and without
fail it has been true that, each time, I have been distanced from the
Spirit. In other words, I can't speak Spanish very well, but the Spirit has filled
up that deficiency. The gift of tongues is real, and I still have to
rely on the Lord to be able to communicate with these good people. It is
a very direct and obvious miracle. God is good.
Every
progressive year, without fail, I have looked back on the year that is
ending and I have thought, "Wow. I truly knew nothing, didn't I?" This
year has been no different, and as this one draws to a close my eyes
have been opened significantly to all of my missed opportunities as a
missionary. I am thoroughly humbled by that perspective, and I recognize
now that my spirit has always been so willing, but my flesh has been so
weak.
Don't stop reading!
I promise I'm not depressed! That revelation was just the dark side of a
beautiful coin. The other side is much happier.
My
mission has not been a failure. I did not throw away two years of my
life! What I gained is irreplaceable and invaluable: it is the knowledge
that I am by far my best convert. Yes, I did truly bless the lives of
many others, both directly and indirectly - which is in fulfillment of
God's promises to me - but nothing I ever did for them can possibly
compare with what God did for me. I will never fall away. I have finally
broken down many of my barriers and have begun to learn true,
unadulterated faith and humility.
When
I think of the gargantuan change I have seen in myself, and of the
great blessings I brought to others despite my ignorance and weakness, I
feel so small, because I know that none of it happened by my power. All
of it was a gift from a living, loving, ever-present Father. I have
gotten to the point that every time I think about all the mercy I have
been granted I am overcome with gratitude, and all I want to do is
praise God in the Perfect Language - because mortal words fail to
describe such immense joy.
Another
revelation I had recently was fascinating: if I were to have been the
most diligent missionary possible, and the hardest working, I feel like I
would have lost my soul and become a blind zealot - that is simply what
I would have been. That wasn't God's plan for me. His plan is that I be
converted because of my experiences here, good and bad, diligent and
lazy; and that hereafter I be an exemplary member missionary, though I
was not an especially outstanding full-time missionary. My future
is bright, and I know God will have mercy in my weakness. I have been
set up by Him for great things, and God is showing me the way forward
from here. I know He will continue to guide me, as He has done before.
Only
the spirit of prophecy can say what I want to say. So, let me give you a
prophecy: "If any man will do [God's] will, he shall know of the
doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself" (John
7:17). Just as this is true of the doctrines Christ taught, it is also
true of the doctrines I teach, as well as the other full-time
missionaries, and our church leaders at all levels. It is so simple, but
my soul burns with that admonition: "do [God's] will, [and you] shall
know of the doctrine".
I
have even been inspired for good by a bad experience: my deteriorated
health. In Argentina, I felt like I was in perfect health, with hardly
ever a hiccup. In Nebraska, from the beginning I have been dealing with a variety of physical aches and pains. But even so, as I have grown in
faith, I have honestly learned to rejoice despite those things, because
in the end they are all so minimal. It only gives me one more way to
subject my body to my spirit, and I have been blessed enormously by it.
A
thought I have come back to often, recently, is that it is essential to
have the courage to accept that our way of doing things is never better
than the Lord's way (Isa. 55:8-9). And likewise, we must have the
courage to abandon our old ways easily, in accordance with revelation,
and count all things a loss compared to Christ (Phil. 3:7-15). "For what
is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own
soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Matt. 16:26).
What will we give up for Him?
One of my favorite scriptures ever is Abraham 1:2:
"And,
finding there was greater happiness and peace and rest for me, I sought
for the blessings of the fathers,... desiring also... to be a greater
follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be
a father of many nations, a prince of peace, and desiring to receive
instructions, and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful
heir,... holding the right belonging to the fathers."
This is now my only goal in life: to "[hold] the right belonging to [my] fathers."
I'm
nowhere near perfect in this. Or anything. Not even close to being
almost kinda near starting to be more-or-less perfect-ish. But these two
years have given me a good start. God be praised for all that He has
done for me.
I know that
this work is going forward, uninhibited by anything at all, and guided
only according to God's will. Jacob, my wonderful younger "big" brother,
already has the indispensable chance to witness front-row what God is
doing for the world right now. He will continue as a great missionary in
a world that no longer needs missionaries like me and those who have
preceded me. I watch with awe the rapid developments in the world that
are opening wide new doors to share the Gospel to those who are
searching, and "know not where to find it" (D&C 123:12). I am
excited to see what the glorious future brings, and what revolutionary
revisions God has yet to reveal.
If
you don't yet see the vision of missionary work - which includes member
missionaries, ministering, the work of salvation for the dead, and many
other facets - I invite you to repent and to pray to God earnestly for
an understanding of the work that must be done. Only the Holy Spirit can
tell you. I know that He has told me in that way.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I tell you all that God has been good to me. Amen.
Con amor sempiterno,
Élder Hill
Fotos: algunas cosas que hicimos durante la semana al ir paseando, mi último P-day, y mi funeral.
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| Elder Hill's "funeral". Note that he is draped in the Argentine and Nebraskan flags |
