He delighted in me

Friends and family, this week was weird.

So, on Tuesday I and Elder Halliday (the two of us trainers) were together because we didn't have companions. We worked in Cementista for a couple hours then received a call from the oficinistas telling us to come to the mission offices, so we left. But then we overshot the stop for the offices and ended up in Mendoza Centro, so we waited for a while for the train in the other direction and returned on that. But then we got to the offices and there was nobody there. We called the pensionista and he told us that plans changed (which they didn't tell us at all) and we had to go to a hotel to check in because we would be staying there for the night, so we took a taxi and came all the way back to that other stop that we had gotten off at before. We joke that we listened to the Spirit in getting off there, but didn't listen so well after getting off. We met the other trainers at the hotel and we were told we could do whatever we wanted for three hours until turning in for the night, so we dispersed. Then we all received calls telling us that plans changed again and that we were to dine with the Mission President immediately. Goodness, plans changed so incredibly much, so quickly. But the dinner was wonderful, and the newbies we dined with are great. The food is always delicious in that house.

The next day the newbies had their training clinic, and then we did the same street contacting game I had to do my first day, in which the new missionaries talk with the trainers as if they were normal people in the street. Only the missionary's trainer would accept the invitation to learn more, so it works out. My new compañero es Elder Aguirre, de Buenos Aires también. He's an incessantly smiley person and laughs a lot, and is generally a very happy missionary, which makes my job a bit easier. Obviously, the fact that he's a latino makes my job a heap easier, too, and I am grateful for that. Actually, all the missionaries in this group are latinos, so I didn't even have a chance to get a gringo as a companion.

For the rest of the week we worked hard, searching out people who had said we could pass by and share a message. Literally nobody let us in all weekend, and we crossed off many names of people who actually don't want anything. We also dropped an investigadora who we never encountered again after the first wonderful visit; every time we pass they just purposefully turn on extremely loud music, or, if we're really lucky, tell us that she's not there, which I don't really believe because she's a stay-at-home mother. *sigh* Mortals. We've also talked with many people in the street who were walking very slowly, but when we started talking with them they accelerate obviously and say they don't have time to talk; we tell them that's fine, and that we can walk with them, but they just keep using the same void and dead excuse, "I don't have time." Apparently they are so rushed that they don't want us to interfere with their walking by... talking... because those interfere with each other.... Whatever.

One of the only lessons we managed to teach was to an investigador that I believe I've mentioned, named Pedro. It's really rough teaching him, because he tries to teach us by telling us the stories of his life, also trying to prove that his life is the hardest and that for that reason only he can really understand God and His miracles. Oof. Just about every time we teach him we have to be extremely blunt because he doesn't understand that we "are not sent forth to be taught, but to teach the children of men the things which [the Lord has] put into [our] hands by the power of [His] Spirit" (DyC 43:15). This time we were talking about John 3 which says that except a man be born again he cannot enter the kingdom of God, and we had to tell him with extreme force that without baptism he would not inherit heaven. I'm still not sure he understands, because his pride is a strange brand that appears very much like true, pure piety. But then, the devil can appear as an angel of light. But we're probably going to drop him because he doesn't really seem to want anything to do with us except subjects for his excessively repetitive lectures on the power of God in his life and how his life is the hardest of any. *sigh* I'm really sad about that, because he seems to have very powerfully the gift of discernment from the Spirit, but it is corrupted by his unwillingness to change. As the scriptures say, if gifts are not used well, they will turn into condemnation (like in the Parable of the Talents). It reminds me of the scripture in 2 Thessalonians 2:3-4: "Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God." That doesn't apply perfectly because Pedro is by no means a Son of Perdition, but that scripture doesn't only apply to that extreme. It applies to all who have the pride to say that they have learned enough, and they need no more; and, by that logic I also fall under the condemnation of these verses at times, which is una lastima. But I guess the difference is that I recognize my fault. I fear he might continue blinding himself for a long time, and it will be even more painful for him to extricate himself later on. But thus is the mission, and I signed up for this. We'll try to help him how we can, but the choice has to be his, and we'll wait on him.

Then, last night, I randomly lost the top half of my vocal range (including my normal conversational range), despite the fact that I didn't do anything strenuous with my voice. But hey, now I'm stuck in my lower range and I sound more macho, so what have I to complain about?

Regarding the fact that I'm training, I still feel quite inadequate, especially in my understanding of the words of others, which some people poke fun at, at times. But I'm still praying every day for forgiveness for my immense shortcomings in all their forms. I'm getting better step by step, I know, but I'm impatient. However, I do know already that this responsibility of training a new missionary is from God, because I cannot grow nearly this fast as compañero menor. I also take comfort in Psalm 18, which says:

4 "The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6 In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
...
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.

...
15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay.
19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

He moves, upsets, and destroys the very foundations of the world just to help me. Because He delighted in me. I declare to you all that the things I teach to the people here are the truth, directly from the Eternal God; and I am so glad to be here sharing it.

Con amor de Argentina,

Elder Hill

Fotos:

• "Ojo de Pez" efecto
• Los nuevos entrenadores - ¡una de esas Hermanas gringas tiene un traslado menos que yo! (y Élder Dye no sabe cómo usar mi cámara)
• Élder Halliday
• Yo y Élder Aguirre 
• Yo y Presidente Panzacchi
• Estrellas (la amo a mi cámara)
• Élder Pepsi enseñándole a mi compañero

The Cracks Begin to Show

Friends and family, happy belated Father's Day!

I heard a joke from one of the other elders in the zone that is hilarious. ¿Qué es parecido entre una manzana y la novia de un misionero? (What is the similarity between an apple and a missionary's girlfriend?) Ninguna es-pera. (Neither is a pear/neither waits.) I am hugely entertained by that pun. I'm also entertained by the times that we approach and greet someone in the street, and their first response is to say, "No, ustedes son espías" ("You're spies"). When he said that, Elder Mazzeo just said, "Yep, but we share a message about Jesus Christ..." Gold. 

It seems some of you have heard about the hugely widespread power outage that we had yesterday. We had no power from about 0700 until 0915, or so. That crept a few minutes into our Sacrament meeting time, but we started without power, using only the limited sunlight from the windows. As we were singing the opening hymn, the lights came back on, which was really cool.

Now, this weekend was a very strange one. We had transfers, and Elder Mazzeo and I nos quedamos, with various other people changing a bit and one elder in the district getting a new trainee. That was what we were told on Saturday night, which is the normal day in which we find out the changes. But then suddenly in the middle of the night of Sunday, we got a call from the Asistentes del Presidente, and they said that Elder Mazzeo se va a San Juan, which is a province adjacent to Mendoza, in the north. He spent the entire night packing (literally not sleeping a wink) and then got on a but at 0945 this morning and headed out. That was fast. And who is coming to join me in Cementista? A trainee, fresh from the CCM. I don't know yet who, but I will find out on Wednesday. Whoa. That's a bit different from the original plan of nothing changing. It was unexpected. And a bit overwhelming. I, a gringo who is only just starting to understand naturally the language, will be training a newbie how to teach in that language. But I really can see an opportunity in this to grow in a way that was not possible with Elder Mazzeo. I will not just be the senior companion, I will be training, and I will learn the workings of the mission like never before, now that I am thrown headlong into it all. I'm not sad at this change, but I don't have a "perfect brightness of hope", as they say; thus, I would appreciate all the prayers and positive vibes you could give me. I can shoot up like a rocket and begin to soar because of this, but the liftoff is always the bumpiest part of the process.

But don't think I'm without faith in this. In reality, I'm legitimately happy for the opportunity to grow more, despite the pain that will accompany that growth. And today I have found more strength again in the song "Snow" by Sleeping At Last. "May the melody surround us when the cracks begin to show." And I can say with certainty that in the song that I have begun hearing here in this calling, "the song of redeeming love" (Alma 5:26), has surrounded me every time the cracks begin to show, and every time my "bruises seem to surface like mud beneath the snow" ("Snow"). I am forever grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who makes it possible to find reprieve in this fallen world, full of so much darkness and pain. I would not have been able to be here now if it were not for Him. "God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son" ("The Living Christ").

Love,

Elder Hill

Fotos:

• La Zona Mendoza Centro
• Élderes Ricks, Steck, Soto, y Yo, haciendo trámites
• Élder Mazzeo está perdiendo en Monopoly pero mal

The Snow Piles High (Cementista)

Family and friends,

Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment (DyC 121:7).

First off, I want to mention a man that we found recently who is very interested in learning about the Church (to the point where he wanted to share his testimony and experiences before the congregation on Fast Sunday). His name is Pedro, he's about thirty years old, and he had an accident in past years that left him with little use in his left arm and difficulty in walking; but he is extremely spiritually receptive. He told me that once he was on Facebook and saw a picture of a young man, and it stuck in his head for some reason that he didn't understand. Then, two Saturdays ago, while I was in intercambios with the zone leaders, Elders Mazzeo and Hill (from Pascual Segura, not me) found him, and Elder Hill looked almost exactly like the young man whose image Pedro had stuck in his head. And furthermore, when they knocked on his door (well, clapped from the street) he knew it was him before opening the door. His testimony is already powerful.

Then Thursday was interesting and full of spontaneity. We had a last-minute interview to do in Mendoza Centro for a baptism of the Hermanas, but before that in the morning the Assistants of the Mission President called us and said all the elders from the offices (seven in all) would come to our area that afternoon to work. That was completely out of the blue, and we still don't know why they did that in our area, specifically. But we had to wait for them to arrive, give them instructions and area assignments, set them loose, and then immediately rush off to Centro to hold the interview which we were already late for. That was interesting, to say the least. By the end of the day, those elders had gotten us thirteen new investigators with four baptismal dates, and had talked with over a hundred people in the street; that's impressive. At least we now have assured work to do in the next weeks.

That night we talked with a family which has not attended Church for decades, and our conversation was interesting. They ended up telling us that they don't go to Church because one member treated them badly, and the members in general are hypocrites, and stuff like that. That's a set of excuses pretty normal, from my experience, and those excuses always come about because of a misunderstood doctrine or ten of the Church. I've already given that lesson many times to many people, but this time it was notable for me because I felt the Spirit physically managing my thoughts, flowing points together into a perfect fabric of doctrine that I used to put down their excuses. Also, I was worried that I would come across as rude and insensitive (which I often do; I'm trying to correct that), but the Spirit gave me words to say and the inflection to say them with such that it was perfectly calm, peaceful, and loving, even as I tore their arguments apart. It was like an out-of-body experience, and I saw my own mind working; every time they said anything at all in response to my points, I could feel my mind warp around the information like an amoeba, absorbing and dissecting it, then inverting it into a counterpoint in the continuous fabric of the Truth; it always came back in a beautifully sensible way. But I can promise that was not me. I was watching myself work, feeling almost detached from myself in awe of what I was saying. Even my words were fluent in Spanish, which I have only ever seen in myself with the Spirit working my tongue. It was satisfying to be able to see their walls of pride crumbling bit by bit, each point perfectly countered. But then, right as I was crushing their arguments in that attending Church is a commandment, they cut me off and showed us their grandchildren. I could feel in the way that they did it that they did it because they were looking for an escape from the contiguity of my points, because they were afraid of not having the protection of their pride. We accomplished nothing after that because we had to return to the pensión to meet the Asistentes and other elders again, but I wanted to share that experience because it is fascinating to me.

I had a similar experience with the pride of others with an older man named Benjamín. Dang, I like that name for some reason. He works in a kiosco, and we were just talking with him through the service window of the shop. The first time, we talked about the Restoration of the Gospel, and the fact that it was lost, and citing Amos 3:7 we managed to help him understand that prophets are necessary in God's work; and citing the history of the Bible, we helped him realize that the Bible is not everything we need for Salvation, and that, thus, the Book of Mormon is a logical and necessary extension of the Bible. At that point, I saw his countenance fall, and I could feel that he knew we were right. We left a pamphlet of the Restoration with him, inviting him to read it and pray to God to know if it's the truth or not, and we left him thus. The second time we met with him, it was painfully obvious that he had talked with his pastor because he had a page of notes with him that he used to find relevant scriptures. He asked about the dream we had promised he would receive as his answer (which we certainly had not promised), and cited a scripture in Deuteronomy that says that we should not believe false prophets that preach of dreams and lead people astray after other gods. That was easy to shoot down because we didn't make any such promise. But then he brought up the classic, also in Deuteronomy, which says that anyone who adds or subtracts from these words will be cursed, but that was even easier to address because it's in Deuteronomy; if that really meant the Book of Mormon was a lie, it would also mean that every book of the Bible after Deuteronomy, including the entirety of the New Testament which is important for obvious reasons, would be invalid, too, having been added to the words of God after that admonition. After that point, he made more weak excuses which didn't even come close to countering that point, and slowly I saw his countenance fall again in the same way. I know he knew we were right. But he still refused, clinging to pride and tradition before searching for the truth; that makes me sad, because that means he will have worse condemnation if he does not repent in the future, having seen the truth but still refusing to accept it. I pray he will accept it in the future.

But, I have to say that just because I'm saying this about the pride of others does not mean by any stretch that I consider myself free of the same curse. As I emphasized earlier, this knowledge and ability does not come from me, and thus everything that I have mentioned in this letter that I have done that was miraculous is not mine to claim. It is from God. I just want to make that a bit clearer.

But now I want to mention a few thoughts on the Sacrament. My favorite scripture on repentance is Isaiah 1:18-19: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land". As my mission president says, this is like the balancing of a checkbook. We come before the Lord in the Sacrament, recognizing our need of mercy and grace from Him, and we compare our records of our own deeds with God's record; we reason together. And then there is the promise: if ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land. Just for being willing to approach the Lord and reason with him, we can really inherit our promised land of blessings. It reminds me of a song I love by Sleeping At Last, called "Snow", which says, "As gentle as feathers, the snow piles high; the world gets rewritten and retraced every time. Like fresh plates and clean slates, our future is white." That is such a joy to me, to think that every single day I can start over in the eyes of the Lord, if I am just willing to compare notes with Him. Is it really that hard? My future can be erased and bleached white every single time I fall from perfection (which is basically constantly). I am so humbled and grateful for that.

Regarding the funeral services of Grandfather, thank you so much for the many details and pictures I received. Puedo verlo así como yo hubiese estado allí - I can see it as if I had been there. Though I will miss him, I have no sadness in his passing; I know with overwhelming force exactly where he is, and he is not in a bad place. I have never known so powerfully that the Plan of God is real as I know it now. And, exactly the same as repentance, we can turn to God and have the pain of his passing removed through Christ. Though the future may appear dark without him, the world can be rewritten and retraced in the clean slate of the Atonement of Christ; and though the pain appear as scarlet, it shall be white as snow.

Please remember that I love you all immensely. And please remember also not to procrastinate the day of your turning to the Savior. "Don't wait around for tomorrow, open up your arms and let it in" ("This Gift" by Glen Halsard).

Vuestro seguro servidor,

Elder Hill

Fotos:

• Yo y Lorena de su bautismo
• Comida chilena el P-day pasado
• Brickham Young figurines
• Intercambios con Élder Mecham
• Personas protestando en una calle cerca de la pensión; no tengo ni idea qué es el propósito
• Servicio en moviendo cosas para el hogar nuevo de Hermano Agüero, un ex-Setenta de Area del CCM en Buenos Aires (Élder Soto está abrazando el piano en la máquina elevadora)
• Empujando el piano
• Fútbol en Barrio San Martín

Funeral week (for Ben's grandfather in Arizona)

Mom, I read every bit of your email about the funeral week. Thank you so much for giving so many details; I can see it all as if I were there. Friday evening, at about 7:30 my time and onward, I felt a strong connection to the thought of the funeral proceedings, and it seems that timeframe aligns decently well with the time between leaving for Snowflake and the ceremony there. I believe that was from the Spirit. Also, when I saw the picture here of Grandfather in the coffin, I had the overwhelming and precise thought that he is not there in the coffin; he's in another place, still serving everyone, just as he has practiced for eight decades.

Mom, though I'm shedding tears right now, I am not sad in the slightest. I know where he is. I don't believe it, I know it, and in these past months that knowledge has spread to fill my being, and I am unable to deny it.

And, above all, know that I am filled to the brim with love for you and for him and Grandmother. I am starting to understand, bit by bit, what you mean when you say you love me more than I can comprehend.

With flourishing love,

Elder Hill

Lovest thou me more than these? (Cementista)

Family and friends,

This week was interesting, especially because at the end of last P-day I got a dog. We went to Pascual Segura for our weekly meeting, which is on the other side of the city from us. Afterwards, we walked to San Miguel to have intercambios for the next day, and Elders Mazzeo and Mecham walked from there to Cementista. All that way, a random dog followed them, and sat outside the pensión all night awaiting them. The next day it followed them everywhere, and every time we take a bus somewhere we lose it, but it just returns to the pensión and awaits us again. I guess it belongs to us, now, considering it has not left us ever since. But we're not allowed to have pets as missionaries, so I'm not sure what to do about it. He already has a name, too, but it was established by the immaturity of the other missionaries and is a vulgar word in English; it means nothing here, but I still refuse to say or write it. Thus, its name for me is Asistente de los Élderes. But yeah. I'll send pictures.

Yesterday we had a baptism! Her name is Lorena (she's my age, 19), and the man who baptized her is her novio, Brian, who was less-active but was reactivated by of her conversion. He received the priesthood and only an hour after baptized Lorena. She was initially uninterested in hearing what we had to say, but one day we found her randomly at a kiosco and she agreed to hear us. That was only three weeks ago. Now, she is one of the newest members of the Church in the world. The service (held after the meeting block, because Brian had to receive the priesthood that day) was wonderful, and the Spirit was there. I had the honor of confirming her a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, and even in that I saw a miracle: my tongue did not slip once as I declared the words of that ordinance and blessing. I spoke slowly, listening to what the Spirit had for me to say, and I was not led astray; it was perfect. This gringo conjugated every verb perfectly and surely, and it was a beautiful blessing. And afterwards I gave a brief talk on the Spirit, using John 14:16-18,27 as the base, and I nearly cried for the force of the Spirit. I'm a real cry-baby in the Spirit, and I am unashamed. It all fell into place so well, and I am humbled to have been part of that experience.

Then, I had an interesting experience with beggars. A small family approached us one night (earlier in the week) as we were walking, asking for money and saying that the father had lost his job and that they were in dire straits. I thought of the fact that the money we have is from the Church of Jesus Christ and is for our personal sustenance as called servants of God, and because of that thought I started responding that the best we could give them was the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I immediately felt something was wrong with my response, because I was literally holding a bag of purchases in my hand and had more money in my pocket. But it was for the sustenance of the servants of God, right? It doesn't belong to them, it belongs to God. The father soon cut me off, expressing his disappointment and just leaving. I was frustrated that they in their poverty still had the pride sufficient to reject the best thing we could give them, which is the Gospel. All that mattered to them was money, and they didn't care about God. But as we continued on, my heart slowly melted, and I finally began to see the situation with Wisdom. Why should the father's focus be on anything other than money, for the support of his family, which really is the most important? And, upon that thought, my heart melted into shame, and my mind turned back on itself, analyzing my own behavior. It was veiled in such a thick, callous coating of pride. Yes, the money I have belongs to God. But that means it doesn't belong to me. God said that if I serve even the least of the children of God I have done it unto Him. Did Jesus have money in any part of his life? The opposite. By definition, He was one of the most destitute on the planet, having no money, no home, only clothing; and treated like a criminal all His life, and even killed for it. He was nothing in this world, but he was the most important person this world has ever seen. Thus, the "sustenance" of God's servants is not found in money or possessions, it is found in giving them to those who need them more. It reminded me of the scripture in John 21:15, in which Jesus asks Peter, "lovest thou me more than these?" While talking with that family, I forgot the obvious fact that, before preaching the pure doctrines of Christ to all the world, I have to live them. After all that, I wanted that family to come back so I could give them everything I could. However, I understand now that that experience was meant to teach me the lesson again which I thought I had already learned: I own nothing in this world. It all belongs to God; it's only on loan to us, and the rent that we can pay to keep it is obedience to His laws. And now I am earnestly working to repent and fix that heretofore-unseen breach in my mind. I am reminded of the song "Viva Voce" by The Rocketboys. "Can you hear me now? I'm singing out as loud as I know how, but am I loud enough?" Now I'm learning to sing the song of redeeming love, and I am progressing in that learning bit by bit.

And just while writing this, I had the realization of the connection with the passing of dear Grandfather Wilcox. Our families do not belong to us; we are all children of God, and we belong by all eternal right to Him only. He gives us family on rent, to be returned to Him in the end. But in His infinite mercy, He has provided us with a rent we can pay to keep them in Eternity, and that rent is obedience to Him. And in this moment, right now while writing this, I have tears on my cheeks because I am overjoyed that I am able to grow to pay that rent, gaining the certainty that I will see Grandfather again. Perhaps it is best for him to have passed because of his mountains of health issues; that does not make it easier. What does make it easier is that mercy of God which allows us to meet in a better place, where we will be together forever and rest from all our cares and pains, laying down imperfection to put on Eternity. That is my message for you today, and I share it in the name of Him who is the Beginning, End, and Redemption of all things: Jesus Christ. Amen.

Can you hear me now?

With undying and ever-growing love,

Elder Hill

Fotos:

• El Asistente de los Elderes (con ropa que fue un regalo de la familia de Brian)
• Limpiando la capilla a las 0700 en Domingo (eso es la verdad de la obra misional: nadie nos atiende, pero tenemos que hacer todo; me encanta)
• Nosotros con ellos
• Lorena y Brian
• Hermanos de Lorena y padre de Brian
• Yo y Brian
• Yo y Lorena