They Shall Narrowly Look Upon Thee (Cementista)

Friends and family, gringos all,

One of the hermanas asked me this week if I am from Venezuela. Gosh, that made me feel good about myself, a pure-blooded gringo.

Regarding that situation I mentioned last week, something happened that is wonderful: ¡the husband attended Church! We didn't invite him specifically, but he came, and he had a huge, legitimate smile on his face. He still seems unsure about all of it, but he is willing to listen to the lessons that we teach, so we'll see where that goes. That was a miracle for us.

This week was rough for me, because it's very hard a veces to feel worthy of such a hugely important work as the salvation of the souls of all mankind. That has weighed on my mind, and every small moment of idleness hurts because I know I could use it better, but I don't have the strength of will to change it. But then, on a day that was the hardest, I prayed for help and guidance, and a scripture came hazily to my mind. I looked it up by keywords in the Topical Guide (seriously, thank God for that wonderfully powerful index - ¡que lastima que no se tiene eso en español!), and found it in DyC 31:5. "Therefore, thrust in your sickle with all your soul, and your sins are forgiven you". That is such a powerful scripture, and I could feel it vibrate throughout my entire soul. Those words, though addressed in that section to someone else, were also pointed via God's omniscience straight to me, and I could hear His voice in it. It is absolutamente asombroso to think that Christ knew my heart so well even before my life began that He was able to say the exact words that He knew would reach me in the Spirit in the moment I needed it most. I am tearing up right now thinking of the awesome power of such a Being that is so powerful that He sets miracles in motion centuries before their realization. His foresight is so impeccable that He set forces in motion from the Grand Beginning that would all converge on me, just for me. "Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me."

Another thing that has occurred to me this week is how foolish I was to even think of postponing my mission to have short a period of rest before life starts crashing down again. Why is that foolish? Because this work of salvation IS the rest I have been seeking. That is what I did not have in high school, that I have ALWAYS lacked. God's way is so much better than mine, and that was my problem: I never tried to follow His. Ever since I started high school, I have tried to do everything myself, and I succeeded, but I put myself through so much unnecessary suffering. For that reason, I wanted rest in the first place, and then I ended up finding it ultimately in exactly the place where I knew to look all along, but didn't. It reminds me of what someone said in my mission preparation class months ago, that he was too afraid for a long time to ask God if he should serve a mission, because he already knew what the answer would be. Likewise, I have wandered so long in darkness, not asking to See because I was afraid of what would be required of me. But now my eyes are opened to an eternity that I could never have imagined in all my best dreams combined. And now I am ordained to a position that gives me the authority to work in the long-foretold gathering of Israel, and there is nowhere I would rather be. I have difficult days, but now I am beginning to see the devil for what he is, and, more especially, for what he is not. It reminds me of the scripture in Isaiah 14:12,16-17:

"How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!... They that see thee shall narrowly look upon thee, and consider thee, saying, Is this the man that made the earth to tremble, that did shake kingdoms; that made the world as a wilderness, and destroyed the cities thereof?"

And God is so good. "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them" (2 Kings 6:16).

This is my invitation to all of you: join the real forces of God and ask Him in complete sincerity to know His will. I am nowhere near perfect in this, but I am beginning to see, and that is a step in the right direction. Another thing I have learned in this mission is the power of the member-missionaries - I have seen the beautiful vision of the power of the Saints, and it is greater than the full-time missionaries have. Together, with sixteen millions of members, we could be the grandest army the world has ever seen - not an army to bring wars and contentions, but to bring the Good News to the world.

"We’ll go to the poor, like our Captain of old,
And visit the weary, the hungry, and cold;
We’ll cheer up their hearts with the news that he bore
And point them to Zion and life evermore" ("Ye Elders of Israel").

With so much love, your friend in the south,

Elder Hill